Friday, June 5, 2009

It's All Happening at the Zoo

Hey kids! I'm back! Where have I been all this time, you ask? Well there's a whole long story about me doing stuff and other stuff, and not feeling like blogging and whatnot, but the best answer is at the ZOO!

You see, for my birthday, Mr. and Mrs. Rev bought me a year long membership to the Wildlife Conservation Society.

That means for the next year, I can go to the Bronx Zoo, Central Park Zoo, Brooklyn Zoo, Queens Zoo and the New York Aquarium as much as I want and NO ONE CAN STOP ME.

Great movie, by the way.

So I've used my membership twice so far, accumulating about 180 pictures worth of zoo animals.

The first time was Memorial Day weekend, when Mr. and Mrs. Rev were visiting. Here they are sitting on a giant caterpillar:


The second time I went with Subastar and Woot and an assemblage of others.

Here they are standing still in an area from which you can see no animals.

A significant percentage of zoo visitation is spent away from animals, I was to learn.

I'll try to stick to just the highlights for you folks.

One highlight: Otterpile.

There are few things on this Earth as cute as a pile of otters.

Need more?

Yep, still fantastic.

There were many other things to be seen, like this video of feeding time for one of the Siberian Tigers:

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Tigers are Awesome. We showed up 20 minutes early for this feeding. Totally worth it.

One thing I did not realize about the Bronx Zoo: it has a serious peacock infestation. The place is lousy with them.

This one was nice enough to pose for some pictures.

After the photo shoot, we hung out for a little while.

It quickly grew tired of us and wandered into a food court. I think it was going to try and pick up some scraps of food from the other zoo guests. I didn't see peacock listed anywhere on the menu, at least.

Actually, that's not true. I did see an animal try to eat a peacock. I'll give you three guesses as to which one it was.

No, not a tiger.

No, not the Otterpile.

No, not Mr. Rev.

Give up?

It was a GIRAFFE. Don't believe me?

Where is your God now?

What happened was this: In the giraffe enclosure, there was an ostrich, for some reason. There was also the above peacock because, as I said, they are ephing everywhere in that place.

So I guess the peacock was trying to intimidate the ostrich, or else it's just into big ladies, because he was all puffed up and struttin around like he had just sacked a quarterback.

Oh Tom Brady, I'll never get tired of referencing this game.

Anyway, once those brightly colored back feathers shot into the air, the zoo's youngest giraffe took an interest.

Pictured: Adult giraffe and baby giraffe.
Not Pictured: Insatiable bloodlust.

This inexperienced animal may have thought that the feathers were leaves. Or possibly he was just acting out, rebelling against a deity that would have made him into something as ridiculous looking as a giraffe.

But maybe, just maybe this is a new evolution of carnivorous giraffes that will soon develop a taste for human flesh and wreak havoc on the Earth.

Like this, but with giraffes.

Yes I learned several lessons at the zoo. First, that I should keep an anti-giraffe shotgun in bed with me, next to the anti-zombie shotgun already there.

Second, animals are lazy.

I know, I know, they're in captivity and it's hot out, and there's all that nocturnal/diurnal nonsense, but seriously?



come ON.

I did manage to film a particularly exciting moment, when a polar bear grew tired of sleeping in the sun and moved around the pool to flop down in the shade. While this happens, a small child to my right shouted what I interpreted to be threats at him, so speakers ready:

I suppose part of my disappointment in the lack of movement stems from jealousy. I woke up earlier than usual on a weekend to come watch a bunch of animals do what I would love to be doing.

That is, of course, sitting around naked, eating raw vegetables and shouting at passers-by.


I do. Hindsight sucks, and gorillas are notorious blog critics.

"Koko finds your style repetitive"

Also, a lifetime of pop culture trash and cartoon shows has given me a fairly warped expectation of zoo animals.

I was lead to believe that animals engage in human activities, wear non-genitalia concealing clothing and hatch elaborate plans to escape, learning valuable lessons about how the world works in the process.

Also, they're voiced by Don Adams of Get Smart and Inspector Gadget fame.

Instead I get two penguins having a ten minute long conversation about which of them is going to get into the water first.

The answer? Neither of them.

But those are minor complaints when held up against the great time I had on both visits. And who knows, perhaps the animals have a greater sense of showmanship in one of the other 4 facilities that I can tour for free.

Only one way to find out.

Catch you later folks,


PS - Mr. Rev is this big compared to a Tiger. How big are you?



  1. is it redundant of me to keep commenting "youre funny. blog more"?

    frankly, i dont care. youre funny. blog more.


    This was hilarious. The slow build to the Brady joke was most excellent.


don't spam me please!