Friday, May 15, 2009

Adventures in Disappointment

So hey, remember that list of things I said I was going to write blogs about in my last post? This is none of them.

Instead, I'll share with you another little trip I took last weekend to the Hudson River near 72nd Street. I was drawn by the irresistible allure of a Kite Festival.

Here's something you may not know about me. I balls-out Love Kites.

The best reason to go to the beach and brave the horrific dangers of being near the ocean is to make use of the fantastic breezes that are there.

I flew this one at the Jersey Shore last 4th of July.


Hey, if you think that flying a rainbow Pegasus-Unicorn kite makes a person less of a man, then I'll thank you not to talk to me until you've learned a few things about LIFE.

So when I saw the notice that there was going to be a Kite Festival in Manhattan, well it was all I could do to keep from shouting "Boo-Yah! Suck it, you stupid chumps! I'm going to a kite festival, and you can all sit on it and spin!"

In the interests of full disclosure, I should add that the vast majority of my work day is spent trying to find ways of suppressing some variant of that sentence. This blog happens to be one of the tools in my campaign to keep my soul from bursting out of the prison I've locked it in.

"It rubs the lotion on its skin..."

In this metaphor, I am Buffalo Bill, and Precious the dog is... kites? I guess? I really need to think these things through before I post them.

But anyway... Kites!

Five of these dots are kites. One is a Helicopter.

Sadly, the day was rather overcast. It wasn't totally horrible, because it was pleasantly warm, and you could stare up at the sky without worrying about looking into the sun and having your eyelids burned off, or whatever lies they tell you at school during solar eclipses to get you to use those damn shadowboxes.

This doesn't happen, Mrs. Richards.

Anyway, the clouds weren't so bad. I found myself comfortable and unruffled. Wait - unruffled? That doesn't seem right. Something's missing...

Oh yeah. THE WIND.

It was a bizarrely calm day. The sort of day that you stand on a riverbank and wonder if you've died and woken in Purgatory. Everything is ok, and you're surrounded by dozens of brightly colored and smartly built kites and none of them can get in the air.

It would be like standing in a candy store with no money, or watching a video about a tropical island, or being married.

At least with a lack of wind I got a few up close shots at some of the kites that were there. They had some sort of kite design competition, so there were some pretty neat contraptions there that would have been awesome in the sky. Let's take a look together:

Jealousy, thy name is Rev.

This girl was of the "not the size of the kite, it's how you use it" school. Evidently, she chose to use it poorly. I can relate.

Some more avant-garde kite design, with rows of triangles/pyramids. Yes, I was taking a picture of the kites. Don't look at me like that.

and now for an inside joke:

"Hang on a second, I gotta go agate up this bat"

We now return you to your irregularly scheduled blog.

The event was really for the kids. They had several kite-centric tables for children to learn, presumably about kites. They had a make your own paper kite table for small children:

... and this guy, I guess.

It was fun, but I couldn't help but be let down (ha!) by the lack of wind. It did make me feel a lot better about not bringing a kite of my own. Nothing takes the edge off of a lack of self-actualization like a healthy dose of schadenfreude. While some of you go wander off to, I'm going to treat the rest of you to some free kite trivia:

That was fun!

So yes, I didn't get to fly a kite, and the pickings of kites were actually somewhat slim, and sure, I did get clotheslined by a small girl who was trying to get her tragically malformed paper kite aloft using a combination of prayer, sprinting down a crowded pier, and Rev throat skin. But I also remembered what kite flying is all about to me. Taking some time for quiet reflection. And then imagining throwing a small child into the Hudson River.

At any rate, I like to think I made my mark on that Kite Festival. In fact, I know I did. See?


Peace out folks,



  1. Sadly, my last kite experience ended with me sprinting for 200 yards unsuccessfully trying to catch the kite before it crashed into an Ash Tree. I wish I could say it was because A. Rev didn't fully grasp the concept, but I was the one who lost it.

  2. On that list, it says that you don't NEED wind to fly a kite. Didn't anyone read the handout? Sheesh.

  3. Good Catch, Archer. I guess those dozens of children on the pier just didn't want it enough.

  4. Speaking of "Adventures in Disappointment", it is now June 6 and there is no new post.


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