Friday, November 7, 2008

WARNING - EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

So alive, this town. What follows is what I experienced today on my morning commute.



I saw this happen. Was actually the next seat over, just trying to stare straight ahead.

Some dialogue has been approximated, some repetition has been cut down, particularly on the swears, but what remains is a largely accurate retelling of the events.

The scene: Manhattan bound W Train, perpendicular seat, crowded, morning rush hour commuters, dialogue begins at Queensboro Plaza

Woman: had a voice halfway between Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors and Minnie Mouse - window seat

Dude: Average late 20's douche with a baseball cap to hide his baldingness - seated directly next to woman, reading magazine



W: Excuse me, could you move your elbow?

W: Excuse me, I'm three months pregnant, could you stop digging your elbow into me?

M: I'm not - your bag is all over the place, pushing into my arm

W: I'm three months pregnant, show some consideration and move your fuckin arm

M: your purse is diggin into me, bitch

W: If you can't sit in a seat then don't use one, you goddamn animal.

M: Keep it to yourself, you crazy bitch.

W: I'M THREE MONTHS PREGNANT, you need to learn how to treat women you fuckin animal.

M: You nasty cunt

W: Oh yeah, I'm nasty, you're nasty, you piece of shit. Can't even have a quiet ride to work

M: Fuckin Queen of the Subway here

W: Fuck you, talk to yourself


(ten minutes of silence, the train gets to 29th street, the woman moves to get off)

W: STOP TRIPPING ME, Asshole

(man makes to move his bag, probably to further trip her - she rears bag, imitation D&G bag hurtles through the air onto his head)

W: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! You gotta learn to treat a woman you Fuckin' Animal. FUCKIN' ANIMAL!

(She gets off the train, several seconds later, three loud thuds are heard as she once again swings her purse/weapon, this time against the window of the subway car)

W: -muffled, from outside the car- FUCKIN ANIMAL! (thud)

(The guy looks around trying to make eye contact with someone for sympathy, or a "what was that about?" moment. He fails.)

Remainder of the ride was uneventful.


Public transportation is entertaining.

5 comments:

  1. it would have been even better if you tried to get involved. then they could have both teamed up against you!

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  2. I recognize what the deal is here, this couple is obviously married to each other.

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  3. mr. rev is my hero. That comment is hilarious. Clearly, they are married.

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  4. mr. rev, what a line indeed

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  5. Holy Hell! That is better than VH1 reality TV! That must have been so awkward for you.
    Here in Idaho we haven't gotten on board with mass transit. There isn't much mass here.
    Thanks for sharing.

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