Sweet Bippity Moses, it's been a chunk of time since I've updated, and I don't even really apologize this time. First off, I didn't just want to do a series of small updates. I wanted to do a nice big one that will waste your time and stretch your pathetic internet-poisoned attention spans. The main reason for that is because, as I'm sure all of you have noticed, this marks the 100th posting to this digital drivel dumpster. I mean... hilariously whimsical and worthwhile work. Anyway, a milestone of this magnificent magnitude requires some special effort. I'm now going to stop with all the alliteration, as it's starting to bug me, and probably you as well.
Also, I've been doing a whole lot of cool stuff, so couldn't be bothered to keep updating. Unfortunately, now I'm way behind, because each of those cool things should warrant its own entry, so I have to cut down.
Also unfortunately, I'm forced to largely abandon other ideas for blog posts that I've had for a while, like "Inappropriate items I've found in the Times Square Toys R Us"
Oh, vibrating foam fist, we hardly knew ye.
and so a brief summary of the last few weeks.
I went to China (as I believe I've mentioned before).
Ladies, this is one red octagon that doesn't mean 'stop,' (wink).
Then I spent 4th of July weekend on the Jersey Shore with -2.
The Ocean and New Jersey. Despite that combination, I had a good time.
Then I went to Utica to run the Boilermaker.
Nevermind how it looks, this is actually a lot of fun.
Finally, just last night I attended the Billy Joel Last Play at Shea concert in Shea Stadium.
I think now he's some kind of Vampire King. The coolest Vampire King ever, though.
So lets talk China.
I went there for ten days as a stowaway with two groups, the New York Choral Society and the Hartford Chorale, who had combined to make a giant choral supergroup. Kind of like Voltron, except made of old people and singing classical music instead of killing robeasts with his blazing sword.
Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do.
So yeah, not being a member of either organization, I classified myself as a "special guest" and enjoyed a lovely mix of organized tours and running about willy-nilly in a significantly less organized fashion.
Predictably, I prefer the latter, like eating a 75 cent bowl of noodles from a shop made out of a double decker bus.
What does botulism taste like?
Awesome new friends were made, historical facts were learned, and exotic dishes were eaten. It was a fantastically enriching experience, but not without its difficulties.
The Chinese government feeding our choir boxes of McDonald's in a loading dock while in full concert attire:
Good Americans. Eat.
An outdoor concert with a lot of rain and a slight chance of lightning killing us all:
The crowd was appreciative, though possibly mandatory.
And an Alto passing right the F out in the middle of a lengthy piece by Philip Glass:
I'm sorry, I don't have a picture of that. I was singing at the time. I think there may be a video somewhere, and Goddamn if I don't want to get my hands on it.
So several things on the agenda got a bit rocky. Big deal. Some people decided to complain about this and let it spoil their time. Not me.
The boringest thing in the world is something going precisely to plan. I mean, that's why we're not in on the details of the heist in Ocean's Eleven. We have to think they're getting busted all the time or we don't care. There's no conflict there, and that's the source of all comedy and drama. We especially don't care about the crappy sequels they made, except to discover a new form of resentment involving the actors having more fun on screen than the audience is in the seats.
I seem to have gotten sidetracked. What I meant to say is, looking back in a year or fourteen, it's the panicked scrambling and silly outrage that we're going to remember as the most fun, and they certainly make for a better story, even today, than "everything went perfectly and we had a lovely time."
Unfortunately, I think I'll close on that note. I hope you've enjoyed my 100th Blog Post.
I'd also like to mention that you should feel free to contact me with any questions you should have about life or existence. My brilliance can benefit the world.
Like Franksta, who recently left this on a past post:
"I am trying to be Marty McFly this Halloween, care to share you secrets of where you found some of the articles of clothes? I think you did an excellent job and I can not find a vest with button snaps anywhere near the right color! "
Franksta, you're right to be in awe of me.
Catch you later, folks.