Thursday, April 10, 2008

Boilermaker 2008 - Throwing the Gauntlet

Hello friends,

I haven't updated in a little bit, due to my well-established laziness. However, in almost direct contrast to said laziness, I have begun running once again. At this point, I intend to run the Boilermaker.

Funny thing, as I typed that last sentence, I misspelled "run" as "ruin." In retrospect, that is true. I will ruin the Boilermaker. I will make it so that the Boilermaker will be too ashamed to attract anyone else, for fear that they will discover the truth of her shameful past with me.

Of course this is all bravado. In reality I hope to stumble across the finish line, making some bizarre half wheeze half hacking foamy cough sound as my dehydrated body tries and fails to produce enough moisture to let me cry.

You know, like the last time.

No, not really. The first (and last) time I ran the Boilermaker, I survived it well enough. I almost finished in the money, too. I just stumbled at the last second, and that allowed seven thousand nine hundred and ninety five people to pass me. I count it as a victory,though. Like in Cool Runnings.

You know, the movie about the Jamaican Bobsled team. The team that everyone laughed at and said would fail, but they showed them all anyway by... well, failing. But they had John Candy!

However, I don't have John Candy. Damn.

It just occurred to me that some of you people out there probably aren't familiar with the Boilermaker. It is a 15k road race. That's 9.3 miles for those of you who aren't filthy communists. It takes place each year in Utica, NY. Also the finish line is in front of the F.X. Matt Brewing Company, the proud brewers of Saranac Beer.


And yes, there is a giant party after, and yes there is free beer, and yes it's wicked easy to get ripped when you're really dehydrated and jacked up on endorphins. Anyway, I have to get prepared.

I really wish I could just do a wacky montage that ends with a fadeout and one of those slow motion 'arms in the air triumph' shots. Also I would be Kenyan.

Note to self: download song "montage" from Team America soundtrack. Add to running mix. Also add America Fuck Yeah.

Also "legally acquire" Team America.

However, said montage would be both impossible and in poor taste. So I'm back to pounding the pavement. For my birthday, my parents got me a new ipod nano, which is pretty badass. Now I've never been known for my taste in music, at least, not in any positive sense. And so I've been loading up the ipod with all kinds of music and throwing together one of the most bizarre running mixes ever constructed. Get your judging caps on:

1) Nations of the World - Animaniacs
2) Rockin' the Suburbs - Ben Folds
3) Proud Mary - Creedence Clearwater Revival
4) Eye of the Tiger - Survivor
5) Lookin Out My Back Door - Creedence Clearwater Revival
6) Another One Bites the Dust - Queen
7) Welcome to Paradise - Green Day
8) Big Rock Candy Mountain - O Brother Where Art Thou?
9) Come Sail Away - Styx
10) Joy to the World - Three Dog Night
11) Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious - Mary Poppins
12) Man of Constant Sorrow (band version) - O Brother Where Art Thou
13) All the Small Things - Blink 182
14) Love in and Elevator - Aerosmith
15) Nice Guys Finish Last - Green Day
16) Minority - Green Day

Good times. It undergoes constant revision. I used to have Mr. Roboto by Styx on there, but it almost killed me one time by being slow and boring. Come Sail Away is on its way out, too. Maybe I'll make it part of a "try not to vomit and/or lose consciousness" post-running mix. I've also rearranged the playing order as I used to be finished running before Eye of the Tiger came on, and that's just a waste.

Oh yeah, anyone that wants to run the Boilermaker as well, get in touch with me. You might win a stay at Camp Rev.

Later babies,


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