Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Don't Worry, I Still Exist

I'm just incredibly lazy. Time just flies past when you're avoiding any kind of productivity, doesn't it? I haven't forgotten about you. Even as I type this I have about 4 blog topics rattling around in my skull, just waiting to be typed up. But I'll start with this one.

People with amazing genes enjoy getting it on in the month of June.

I know it sounds like a baffling mnemonic device, but I find it to be true. Therefore, I have composed a list of awesome, brilliant, influential people who have all been born in March. Let's join together and give them a big Happy Birthday! Here we go:

Champ (March 25th) is a reader of this blog, which proves her to be one of the smartest people on this list. She also loves the nickname Champ.

Ace (March 3rd) enjoys guitar hero and bossing around freshmen girls, but then, who doesn't? He also hopes that someday Santa will bring him a pair of shoes.

William H. Macy (March 13th) is awesome, and will hopefully pick up an Oscar to go along with his Emmys and Screen Actors Guild Awards. He met his wife Felicity Huffman when she was one of his students at the Atlantic Theater Company. That is vaguely reminiscent of someone else who appears on this list...

Albert Einstein (March 14th) is most commonly known as the guy with crazy hair sticking his tongue out on Dorm room posters. He actually did some other cool stuff, though.

Raemo (March 4th) may or may not read this blog, but she lives with Champ, so I assume she at least gets the highlights.

Dr. Seuss (March 2nd) - the creator of the Grinch and the Hitler-based Yertle the Turtle wrote Green Eggs and Ham to win a $50 bet that he couldn't write an entire book using only 50 words.

Bon Jovi (March 2nd) can make drunk people in New Jersey celebrate being drunk in New Jersey. He can also ruin your entire day with just the sentence "Tommy used to work on the docks." Enjoy.

Andrew Jackson (March 15th) was the second most badass US President, and is one of my personal favorites. In 1835, the first presidential assassination attempt was made on him. The would-be killer produced two derringers, only to have both of the pistols jam. That man wound up on the receiving end of an impressive Presidential ass-kicking. Once Mr. Jackson's aides had restrained the Commander-in-Chief, several congressmen further ass-kicked the unfortunate schizo. Even Davy Crockett got in on the action, reportedly. It should also be noted that at this time, President Jackson was already carrying around at least one bullet that was buried in his person during one of the 13 duels in which he participated. Handle those twenties with pride, folks.

FH (March 25th) - Former Housemate is currently on tour, somewhere in the country terrorizing and delighting the unsuspecting populace with his impromptu subway pole dances.

Ralph Ellison (March 1st) is the author of The Invisible Man, which I regularly find shelved in the 'Science Fiction' section of library book sales.

Carebear. Lucky enough to be born on St. Patrick's day. I'm sorry, my inability to do so is a perennial regret of mine. I just need some time to work through it...

Sir Rex Harrison (March 5th) is an Oscar winner who serves as an inspiration to non-singing actors in musicals everywhere. He is also the inspiration for the voice of Stewie Griffin.

Shemp Howard (March 17th). Vastly underrated.

Mrs. Rev (March 26th) is the matriarch of the clan that will one day dominate this puny world. Recently made a grandmother, she enjoys quilting, curling and tequila.

Fabio (March 15th).

Douglas Adams (March 11th) is the author of the above book. You should read it if you haven't already.

Let's see... this section has run a little long on time, so I'll just pick one more amazing person from history. So many good ones from March... Haydn, Michelangelo, Descartes, Van Gogh, Robert Frost, Harry Houdini, Bach, Mr. Rogers, Alexander Graham Bell, Jack Kerouac... wait... Aha! Perfect!

Kurt Russell (March 17th). Kurt Russell is awesome. If anyone out there has a contrary opinion, then I fear we shall come to fisticuffs, my good man. I'm sorry, I seem to have shifted centuries there. Not only has he been in sweet movies like Escape From New York, Big Trouble in Little China, Stargate, Backdraft, Tombstone, and The Thing, he appeared on an episode of Gilligan's Island playing the challenging role of "jungle boy." Also, he recognizes and freely admits his habit of making films that end as cult favorites rather than box office successes AND he was born on St. Patrick's Day. God Bless you, sir.

Now March isn't all geniuses and roses and brilliant actors. We have our share of duds, too. Listed below are people who have my invitation to move their birthday out of the month of March.

1) Shaq (March 6th). Why should he go?


I rest my case on him.

2) L. Ron Hubbard (March 13th). He's a visionary science fiction author and conman. I respect both. But this:

Gots to go.

And finally:

3) Ron Weasley.

You don't deserve her, Ron. You don't deserve her.

That's all for now, I'll catch you crazy kids later,



  1. Thanks, Rev...glad you're a March baby too. By the way, very nice fan base.....

  2. Happy belated. I think I forgot to mention this when we last spoke.

  3. It is an honor to be named part of the most awesome people born in March. hahahhaha I love it - and don't worry I informed Raemo per your blog :)

  4. boooooo, i was born on march 21!!! im sad i didnt make the list :(

  5. boooooo, i was born on march 21!!! im sad i didnt make the list :(

  6. dude whats wrong with ron weasley!? he's not even a real person


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