Monday, March 31, 2008

Easter Parade 2 - This time, it's seasonal.

Ok, so last time we reviewed the fantastic feats of headwear exemplified by Oach and me. Now we get to look at people who also have some neat hats, but aren't as important because I don't know their names. Some hats were fantastic, others have glaring flaws. My job is to tell you which is which, and to offer suggestions to all of you on the Interzone who want to partake of this celebration in the future.

DO: Get creative with materials.

In last year's entry I wrote: "I would have given extra points if one of the children had been built into one of the hats. Maybe next year."

This year, Bam!

Baby hat.

I'm all for working on a hat in advance, but 9 months is a little extreme, even for me.

Ok, ok... I know it's not really a hat. It doesn't cover the head and he's using his arms (keep reading for further explanation). But come on, I couldn't resist posting that picture.

Also, winning the "not quite what I meant" award:

Children built into hats. I still like them, though.

Peeps was the big adornment this year. Oach had Mrs. Peep, we met up with the two giant peeps in the previous post and there was also a rude fat girl who had a Mr. Peep in her hat. I'm not showing a picture of her.

This woman got a lot of press for her hat:

This is a terrible photo of her, but hey, she made the papers, so I don't feel bad.

I'll give her a 9 for the concept, but a 4 for the execution. The sheer height of the thing is what's most impressive. She identified herself as the "Statue of Peep-erty," when, clearly, the better label is the "Statue of Liber-Peep." Also, I'm pretty sure she was insane.

DON'T: be a bad parent.

If you think silly hats are cool and that it's fun to build one, here's a tip: wear one your damn self. Don't gleefully produce a hat and then force your kid to wear it because it "looks so cute on her," or "the parade is for the kids."

You are a coward, a hypocrite and a liar.

Such was the case with this poor girl:

I haven't seen a less enthusiastic messenger of peace since The Passion of the Christ.

DO: make it a family activity


Ladies who lunch and a leprechaun cab driver.

This way, in the years to come your children can point to the photo album and say "look how much silly fun we had" instead of "why in God's name would you do that to me?" or "This is why I shoot heroin."

DO: Have a theme.

This woman was featured in my post last year, as the bearer of Coney Island's Cyclone. Here she is again:

This year it's the Enid A. Haupt Conservatory at the New York Botanical Gardens on her head. I spoke with her briefly and she told me every year she dons an NYC landmark, and rotates Boroughs (the Gardens are in the Bronx). I shudder to think what she'll do for Staten Island.

That's about right.

DON'T: Get overzealous.

Ambition is a good thing. It keeps us sharp, keeps us striving to improve. Ambition has brought us fire, indoor plumbing and nuclear weapons. It also got Caesar stabbed a whole bunch of times. In the words of Napolean Bonaparte (translated, presumably): "Great ambition is the passion of a great character. Those endowed with it may perform very good or very bad acts. All depends on the principles which direct them."

That being said, one should be able to wear a hat on one's head without supporting or correcting it with one's arm. By my personal definition, that's the difference between a hat and pretty much everything else.


pot of yams.


the Earth.

You get my point. Here are a few people that put lots of work into their Easter projects, and it shows, and they are beautiful. However, I would encourage a little more engineering next year.

It's pretty big, I guess... if you don't look at this:

The biggest.

Wedding cake and Xanadu themed objects.

Ok, I think I've exhausted myself on the Easter Parade for this year. Check out my photobucket page HERE for the rest of the shots I took. Catch you later.



Thursday, March 27, 2008

Easter Parade 2008 or Mrs. Peep's Day on the Town.

Hello Children, hello. Are you prepared? Then let's begin.

I'm here to tell you all about my recent adventure with Easter. Those of you who are long-term readers of this blog may have seen my post last year about the 5th Avenue Easter Parade. You may also want to find something better to occupy your valuable internet time. I highly recommend LOLcats:


But to recap that entry, I went to Church on Easter Sunday 2007, then went wandering about 5th Ave, where I stumbled upon the largest silly hat party I had ever seen: The Easter Parade.

Yes, I showed this poster back then, too.

Regardless, there are few things I enjoy in this life more than a silly hat. I think everyone should wear one at least once a month, not just on Jesusday.

I made myself a promise not to be caught silly hatless the next year. Thankfully, Oach is as fond of silly hats as I am, so I was not alone in my endeavors.

We made a supply run on Saturday to buy thrift store hats and drastically discounted K-mart Easter decor, glue and thin gauge wire. I also had a run-in with an overly-enthusiastic and overly friendly fabric store clerk, who gave me a hard time about cutting my own ribbon, and then seemed awed by the fact that, without measuring, I had cut precisely four yards. He shouldn't have been so impressed, because it turns out I only needed three. Not to be outdone, Oach mildly defrauded the aforementioned thrift store so as to achieve a satisfactory mutually profitable transaction.

We returned to the apartment, where a flurry of bad movies, beer drinking and fevered haberdashery ensued.

By now you've realized that I'm simply prolonging the suspense before I unveil our creations. These two sentences do much the same. Finally, Sunday morning, after a bout of fitful excited sleep, we were ready for a day on the town. Dressed in our finest, we stepped out into the sun.

We wore our hats with pride. All the way from the apartment to the subway station, people were smiling and laughing and giving us thumbs-up and honking as they drove by. Do you see the power of the silly hat? Rather, a pair of silly hats, as happened to be the case.

But really, how could you not be happy when confronted with these two handsome gentlemen?

From left: Rev, Oach, Narcoleptic German Tourist

What hats! Enhance.

That's Mrs. Peep perched atop Oach's hat. The duck has no name. At least, none that he's told me.

Back to some action shots:

Hangin' with some peeps.

Riding the subway presented a huge number of obstacles.

I found this picture on Oach looks like he's about to stab me.

My favorite is from a pause we took at Rockefeller Center:

Top Three things:
1) handsome young man, center
2) fallen child on the ice, left
3) skating easter bunny, left

Ok, that's all for part one. Next time I'll be presenting some "Do's and Do Not Do's" of Easter Parade silly hatness.

Catch you folks later,


Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Don't Worry, I Still Exist

I'm just incredibly lazy. Time just flies past when you're avoiding any kind of productivity, doesn't it? I haven't forgotten about you. Even as I type this I have about 4 blog topics rattling around in my skull, just waiting to be typed up. But I'll start with this one.

People with amazing genes enjoy getting it on in the month of June.

I know it sounds like a baffling mnemonic device, but I find it to be true. Therefore, I have composed a list of awesome, brilliant, influential people who have all been born in March. Let's join together and give them a big Happy Birthday! Here we go:

Champ (March 25th) is a reader of this blog, which proves her to be one of the smartest people on this list. She also loves the nickname Champ.

Ace (March 3rd) enjoys guitar hero and bossing around freshmen girls, but then, who doesn't? He also hopes that someday Santa will bring him a pair of shoes.

William H. Macy (March 13th) is awesome, and will hopefully pick up an Oscar to go along with his Emmys and Screen Actors Guild Awards. He met his wife Felicity Huffman when she was one of his students at the Atlantic Theater Company. That is vaguely reminiscent of someone else who appears on this list...

Albert Einstein (March 14th) is most commonly known as the guy with crazy hair sticking his tongue out on Dorm room posters. He actually did some other cool stuff, though.

Raemo (March 4th) may or may not read this blog, but she lives with Champ, so I assume she at least gets the highlights.

Dr. Seuss (March 2nd) - the creator of the Grinch and the Hitler-based Yertle the Turtle wrote Green Eggs and Ham to win a $50 bet that he couldn't write an entire book using only 50 words.

Bon Jovi (March 2nd) can make drunk people in New Jersey celebrate being drunk in New Jersey. He can also ruin your entire day with just the sentence "Tommy used to work on the docks." Enjoy.

Andrew Jackson (March 15th) was the second most badass US President, and is one of my personal favorites. In 1835, the first presidential assassination attempt was made on him. The would-be killer produced two derringers, only to have both of the pistols jam. That man wound up on the receiving end of an impressive Presidential ass-kicking. Once Mr. Jackson's aides had restrained the Commander-in-Chief, several congressmen further ass-kicked the unfortunate schizo. Even Davy Crockett got in on the action, reportedly. It should also be noted that at this time, President Jackson was already carrying around at least one bullet that was buried in his person during one of the 13 duels in which he participated. Handle those twenties with pride, folks.

FH (March 25th) - Former Housemate is currently on tour, somewhere in the country terrorizing and delighting the unsuspecting populace with his impromptu subway pole dances.

Ralph Ellison (March 1st) is the author of The Invisible Man, which I regularly find shelved in the 'Science Fiction' section of library book sales.

Carebear. Lucky enough to be born on St. Patrick's day. I'm sorry, my inability to do so is a perennial regret of mine. I just need some time to work through it...

Sir Rex Harrison (March 5th) is an Oscar winner who serves as an inspiration to non-singing actors in musicals everywhere. He is also the inspiration for the voice of Stewie Griffin.

Shemp Howard (March 17th). Vastly underrated.

Mrs. Rev (March 26th) is the matriarch of the clan that will one day dominate this puny world. Recently made a grandmother, she enjoys quilting, curling and tequila.

Fabio (March 15th).

Douglas Adams (March 11th) is the author of the above book. You should read it if you haven't already.

Let's see... this section has run a little long on time, so I'll just pick one more amazing person from history. So many good ones from March... Haydn, Michelangelo, Descartes, Van Gogh, Robert Frost, Harry Houdini, Bach, Mr. Rogers, Alexander Graham Bell, Jack Kerouac... wait... Aha! Perfect!

Kurt Russell (March 17th). Kurt Russell is awesome. If anyone out there has a contrary opinion, then I fear we shall come to fisticuffs, my good man. I'm sorry, I seem to have shifted centuries there. Not only has he been in sweet movies like Escape From New York, Big Trouble in Little China, Stargate, Backdraft, Tombstone, and The Thing, he appeared on an episode of Gilligan's Island playing the challenging role of "jungle boy." Also, he recognizes and freely admits his habit of making films that end as cult favorites rather than box office successes AND he was born on St. Patrick's Day. God Bless you, sir.

Now March isn't all geniuses and roses and brilliant actors. We have our share of duds, too. Listed below are people who have my invitation to move their birthday out of the month of March.

1) Shaq (March 6th). Why should he go?


I rest my case on him.

2) L. Ron Hubbard (March 13th). He's a visionary science fiction author and conman. I respect both. But this:

Gots to go.

And finally:

3) Ron Weasley.

You don't deserve her, Ron. You don't deserve her.

That's all for now, I'll catch you crazy kids later,


Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Happy Birthday, Blog!

That's right, folks. Today marks one year since this blog first stumbled onto the scene, muttered an incoherent pickup line and proceeded to force itself on the unsuspecting internet. Thank you for everyone who either cheered it on with your support and comments, or just averted your eyes and let it happen while thinking "someone should stop this." I couldn't have done it without you. Special big thanks go to all the poor suckers who have accidentally experienced this blog while searching Google for phrases such as "Tyra Banks show gifts," "Mohawk Valley Pug Club," and "Jewface John." You're my favorites of the past year.

And what a year it's been. Lots of changes in the world of Rev. I went from "living" in Staten Island to living in Astoria. I went from no job to having job. I went to North Carolina and successfully returned. And finally, as I mentioned earlier, I now have health insurance. Excelsior! Who knows what the second year of blogging shall bring? Hopefully I'll be able to continue my ascent of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

I have a good feeling about 2008.

Anyway, for the birthday I'm thinking about giving the ol' blog a new color scheme, so if that's already happened, now you know why. If it hasn't happened, then I'm a lazy ass.

On to other things.

Sunday I decided to go for a walk. At the last minute, leaving my apartment, I decided to bring along my digital camera. "I'm going to look for something to blog about" thought I. "I don't care if it takes all day and I have to walk for hours and hours and miles and Oh Damn! "

My self assured rambling was interrupted as soon as I turned around from having locked the exterior door of the abode. It was interrupted by this sight:


Yes, that was the view from my stoop. Note the lack of first-responders. This accident must have occurred fairly recently. My thought process was as follows:


"How did I not hear that from inside?"

"I wonder if anyone's hurt."

Does that make me a bad person?

Anyway, my CSI-like recreation of the accident led me to conclude that the woman driving the white car facing the wrong way was booking down the road, scraped against the black car on the far side of the road, and careened into the two parked cars with enough force to, and this is a technical term, totally f*ck them up. More photos:

The view from Oach's window.



Sheer craziness, I know. Then I got scared because I remembered something. That's where I usually parked my Sweet 'Bu on the weekends! If that had happened only several months earlier... why, I don't know what would have happened! For proof of this brush with disaster, I give you photographic evidence from when all of those Firemen showed up outside.

My God. It was right there just half a year ago!

I'm glad my Sweet 'Bu went to live with that nice family in the country. And by that I mean it's at my parent's house, I'm not attempting to placate you like a child when its dog dies.

Moving onto good news. I have now joined the ranks of the highest echelon of humanity: the couch owner. For months I resisted buying a couch, for equal parts laziness, cheapness, and enjoying being able to say "I don't even own a couch" as a go-to excuse in conversations. Well that era is at an end, and the era of productivity-sapping naps is upon us. Here she is:

"But Rev!", you might ask. "You live with another dude. How are you and Oach both going to be able to watch films whilst sitting on the couch without having some sort of awkward indian-wrestling match for leg space?"

Well, I am honestly shocked that occurred to you, but I took it into consideration. Behold:

Double Recliner Action, Baby. That means it's classy.

Ok, I'm done for now. Tune in next time for a March Birthday Roundup!