Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I am INVINCIBLE

And by 'vincible' I mean 'sured.'

Many of you may not know this but as of today I have closed the book on a harrowing odyssey that has lasted nearly thirteen months. I lived in New York City and had no health insurance. That, combined with my reckless sense of adventure and masochistic tendencies, was a fabulous recipe for disaster. Thankfully, I don't cook that well. But now that zone of potential financial ruin is behind me. I have a little card with my name on it in my wallet that I like to think of as my "danger license." Now if I do something really stupid and end up smashing against an object at high speed (a car, a wall, the Earth etc.) I may become injured, but at least I won't become injured AND poor.

I know I may be tempting fate by writing all of this, but that's fine. It's been several weeks since I last tempted something and these skills must be practiced or lost. But really, this is good news. You can look forward to many (physically) healthy months of continuing updates, and I can finally afford to be a hypochondriac, and worry about getting things like bird flu, or West Nile Virus, or a Cesarean Section, whatever that is.

Time for a subject change. So what did you do this weekend?

I went to an event in Central Park called the Central Park Winter Jam '08. It was centered around the band shell in the park, where clever use of a ramp and a snow machine had created a little hill. I showed up a little too late to see the "rail jamming," wherein snowboarders used this ramp to pick up speed and then grind across a rail that was also set up. But I did get there to see when they had opened up the ramp for children to ride inner tubes down it. I even took some video:



The best way I can describe this is an unfunny mockery of the sacred institution of sledding. To see if you have ever truly sledded successfully, try this checklist:


[] I have either broken or convinced myself I've broken a bone while sledding

[] People have expressed doubts over my having survived a sledding run before I could be seen to move of my own volition.

[] I have sledded using improvised devices. That is, something not advertised for sledding purposes. Examples include dining hall lunch trays, shovels, shopping carts, et cetera.

[] I have trespassed in order to sled.


If you are unable to check off at least two of the above, then we need to hang out more.

It seemed kind of mean to give these kids such a small taste of winter fun, and even meaner to make them wait in a very long line to taste it. Speaking of taste, in a tent just off of the main runway was a New York State agricultural exhibition sort of thing. They gave out free samples of fresh milk, apples, cider and maple sugar candy. That's right. FREE MAPLE SUGAR CANDY. The brown stuff. Adirondack Heroin. Here's my score:



Most of the children in front of me had never heard of this wonder. "What is it?" they asked.

"Poison," I said, "now get out of the way."

Other than the sledding and food tent, which suggested a more appropriate title of "Realize How Horrible Your Childhood is '08," There were a few other noteworthy goings on. There was an ice climbing wall that kids could scramble up:



There was a "Kids Zone" tent sponsored by Crocs that I didn't enter:



I assume people are lined up for the Virtual Reality Escalator Adventure! feature.

They also had tents teaching important skills:


Like how to start a fire without matches.

And


how to shoot people.

What kind of people?


Food Cart workers and people on cell phones (click for larger image).

So I suppose the event did serve a greater purpose after all.

They also had a booth sponsored by 17 Magazine, but they told me I had to stop hanging around there and wouldn't let me take any pictures.

All right, that's enough for now. I'll catch you kids later

Rev

2 comments:

  1. I seem to remember the last time you went sledding near the homestead, we both accomplished all 4 of those. Sledding on a pallet? Yeah, great idea. I wonder if Mrs Lt Rev will let me take the anticipated wee Rev sledding...EVER.

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