Sunday, December 21, 2008

So It's Official...

Baron Mind has not been selected for the Evil League of Evil.

Well, let's look on the bright side. Now there's no reason for anyone to buy that DVD. Ever.

Maybe I'm straying a little close to bitter, but that's more fun than taking everything in good humor. I'm not mad at the producers of the DVD, and I congratulate those that actually made it, with a few exceptions, of course.

Rest assured, however, that you have not seen the last of Baron Mind.


Pissed off, confused, or sun in my eyes?

Not one to let these minor setbacks dissuade him, he is already pursuing his second dream of hosting his own Food Network Television show.

in case you are bad at scrolling, you can see that attempt HERE.

So yeah, there's a slight disappointment that our work didn't end up on the DVD, but it was a blast to make, got some sweet press, and was viewed just shy of 5,000 times (13 shy, actually, but who's counting?)

Now assuming 4,000 of those were either Oach or myself, that's still a decent amount of people tuning in to see the nonsense that springs from our heads when we let it. Even more than the people that come here to read such nonsense.

Yes, I'm talking about you.


Right there.


So thank you everyone, for your support and encouragement. I encourage you to storm the Interzone message boards. It would be great if you could cause a fuss about why we weren't selected, and disparage other videos entered in the contest. Because if I did it, it would just be poor sportsmanship.


"Fury of Solace Sucks!"

But really, to be proactive about the Baron, you should head over to the youtube cooking video and rate it and add comments and such.

That's the one that's still in contention (theoretically) to win a prize. Though I am a bit skeptical about how enthusiastic Kraft Foods will be about our special topping...

Watch the video if you dont' understand what I mean, and yes, it's both less and more terrible than what you immediately thought.

So yes, go to the youtube page and shower the videos with praise and then come to my apartment and just shower me.

Seriously, I've been on the couch all weekend, and I'm getting pretty ripe.

I've been hitting the chocolate chips again, too. I doubt there's a wagon for baking ingredient addiction, but man, did I fall off of it.


Mmmm... yeah... I love me some photoshop.


Ok, Catch you folks later

Rev out.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Thanksgiving 2008

Ok, let's talk turkey.

Thanksgiving turkey, that is. Thanksgiving 2008 at the Rev household was a pretty fantastic one, all told. I've plenty of pictures here, so do try to pay attention. This might get a little lengthy, but if I can write for this long without getting distracted by the Interzone's buffet of pornography, then hopefully you can take the time to read it.

I'm just joking, I already detoured twice just writing that paragraph.

Anyway, the best thing about Thanksgiving 2008 was that the gang was all assembled. That's right, I'm going to post a Rev family picture.

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We will destroy you.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. We weren't all together at first. No, the actual day of Thanksgiving, it was just Mr and Mrs. Rev and myself. Which is fine, because I had all this food to eat and no one to challenge me.

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Gluttony is my 3rd favorite deadly sin.

And eat I did. Three platefuls of that went down my gullet that day. I have to admit, they were kind of small plates, so that shouldn't go in the official book of Thanksgiving. I'd give it 2.5 normal plates. Not breaking records, but respectable.

It was also very quiet, which gave me plenty of time for activities such as this:

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Sloth is my fourth.

Please note the presence of fire, one of my favorite things. So calming, so peaceful...

But yeah, Friday night into Saturday morning the rest of the gang arrived, including the newest addition to the clan, A. Rev:

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According to her bib, this was her first Thanksgiving. And bibs never lie.

Also, you can see from this photo that A. Rev may or may not be a vampire. She certainly has the little fangs growing in. Also, her mother seems to want to keep her out of direct sunlight a lot, so I'm suspicious about that too. Sure, you might say "Rev, she's a baby." But hey, so was Bunnicula.



Or a rabbit. I get the two confused.

I think the Revs may have a distant vampiric ancestor. I sunburn within seconds, and consequently hate bright sunshine, and my mother can smell garlic from 8 million kilometers.

So yeah, most of the day was spent playing with and watching A. Rev play and move about and do cute things.

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S.Rev (A.Rev's Mommy), Dr Rev, A.Rev and Mr (Grandpa) Rev

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A.Rev and Lt. Rev, her dad.

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A.Rev and her favorite uncle.

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A.Rev, Mrs. (Grandma) Rev, and K'May.

You know what? Let's get another vampire shot:

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Nice.

Then of course, it was time for more food.

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Pressed to compete with Dr Rev, I ate even more than at the last spread.

and a little bit more sleep:

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Awwww.

Oh hey, this was funny too.

For Dinner on Saturday, in addition to the delicious turkey:

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Oh God, Yes.

We also had a pork loin. When the Revs took a vacation to the Outer Banks last year, my Uncle Lee made pork loin for a meal one time.

Keeping that in mind, it makes sense when K'May said "Hey, that reminds me of Uncle Lee!"

Except for the fact that at the time we were being confronted with the uncooked pork loin.

Get me yet?

Ok fine.

It looked like this:


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Uncle Lee's got some explaining to do.

How many minutes of uninterrupted evil laughter do you think you could have derived from that situation? If the answer is less than 10, you have a better soul than the Revs do.

And by better I mean more boring.

At this point you might be saying "Rev, you sure used the word Rev a lot in this post. I'm almost completely Revved out. Aren't you taking this Rev theme a little too far?"

Good question. I'll answer this way:

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Boo Yah!

No.


Catch you folks later.

Rev

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I O U - 1 Thanksgiving Post

Don't worry, it's coming.

In the meantime, delight yourselves with the latest installment of the Baron Mind saga, which Oach and I made to enter in a Kraft Foods Youtube contest. It's pretty sweet, pun intended!

Behold:




Enjoy!

Rev

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

This morning, both my head and my soul hurt.

I've been a Giants fan for a long time. I'm not a religious sort of football fan, mind you. I can tell you far more about the minutiae of the Marvel Universe than I can the stats and rosters of my team of choice.


The shield is made of a vibranium/adamantium alloy. That's why it's indestructible. Who's that other guy?

Just kidding. That's Phil Simms. But still, I was raised watching and cheering for the Giants, even when they sucked. Actually, that's most of the time, but man, am I happy now.


Beautiful.

Even so, there was a time when I watched and rooted for another team.

Oach has made it very clear that he doesn't want me to use this team's name in this post, as it is painful to him. I'll honor his request, and leave it to your brilliant detective skills, dear reader, to figure out.

The period of time I referred to before that last aside was during my undergrad years. (CLUE) I went to college 20 minutes south of Rochester, NY. For three out of four years I lived with Oach, who is from Rochester. Two out of four years we lived with two other gentlemen who hailed from western New York. And so when Sundays in football season rolled around, it was not the Giants who were regularly televised. It was this other team. And I had a good time. We cheered and laughed and cried and swore. We went to two games at (CLUE) Ralph Wilson Stadium in the middle of December, and froze our way through the tailgating drunk we had built up.

So when I learned that this team would be playing the Monday Night Football game, and that there was a bar in Manhattan that catered to fans of this team, and that Oach and Eddie McG would be there, I decided I should be involved for old times' sake. The bar is McFadden's. Outside, it looks like this:



Inside, it looked more like this:



Again, I'm not allowed to name the team.

There was a special going during the game. Twenty dollars gets you a bracelet and unlimited beer and (CLUE) a certain type of Chicken Wing of which I am incredibly fond.


Hint: they're named after a city.

Every ten minutes or so, these pans would be replenished. For the record, they are the best wings I have yet found in New York City. A little heavy on the butter, perhaps, but that didn't stop me from eating at least twenty dollars worth. A better deal I've yet to find. And you know you're dealing with a serious establishment when they feel it necessary to have on hand a bucket of Blue Cheese.


Whatever you do, do not picture yourself chugging this Blue Cheese.

The beer was low quality, but plentiful, and the bar staff quick to respond to orders with a seemingly inexhaustible supply of plastic cups.



Speaking of cups, the bar staff was also nice enough to dance on the Bar during halftime:


At least I'm pretty sure she was part of the staff.

It was also noteworthy for the film crew from the NFL network who were getting some footage for an upcoming show. Here's the host that they had, waiting patiently for a take.


Neat!

So good food, plentiful drink, disreputable associates, sounds like the beginning of a fantastic evening, right? If you believe that, then clearly you haven't yet figured out which team I'm talking about.

I have to admire the resilience of these fans. They take beating after beating and come back for more. They're like Timex watches, or Rocky, or the French.



Hmmm... Rocky vs a Mime. I would pay to see that.

But Damn, I had forgotten how painful it is to root for these bastards. They don't lose the easy way. They might have the decency to get blown out early, and take some of the suspense off, so fans can grumble and make sarcastic remarks but then enjoy the beer and wings. But no, they have to play just well enough to stay in contention the entire time and blow it all at the last second.


Here we see Oach, with optimism and hope in his heart. He's willing to dream. Hours after this picture was taken, he was reduced to a profane, miserable shell of a human being. It's a cruel, twisted joke that his team plays on him every week.

To get a good sense of what it feels like to try and root for this team, watch this video that I found on youtube. I feel it adequately sums up the experience.



yup, that's it.


Rev

Friday, November 7, 2008

WARNING - EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

So alive, this town. What follows is what I experienced today on my morning commute.



I saw this happen. Was actually the next seat over, just trying to stare straight ahead.

Some dialogue has been approximated, some repetition has been cut down, particularly on the swears, but what remains is a largely accurate retelling of the events.

The scene: Manhattan bound W Train, perpendicular seat, crowded, morning rush hour commuters, dialogue begins at Queensboro Plaza

Woman: had a voice halfway between Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors and Minnie Mouse - window seat

Dude: Average late 20's douche with a baseball cap to hide his baldingness - seated directly next to woman, reading magazine



W: Excuse me, could you move your elbow?

W: Excuse me, I'm three months pregnant, could you stop digging your elbow into me?

M: I'm not - your bag is all over the place, pushing into my arm

W: I'm three months pregnant, show some consideration and move your fuckin arm

M: your purse is diggin into me, bitch

W: If you can't sit in a seat then don't use one, you goddamn animal.

M: Keep it to yourself, you crazy bitch.

W: I'M THREE MONTHS PREGNANT, you need to learn how to treat women you fuckin animal.

M: You nasty cunt

W: Oh yeah, I'm nasty, you're nasty, you piece of shit. Can't even have a quiet ride to work

M: Fuckin Queen of the Subway here

W: Fuck you, talk to yourself


(ten minutes of silence, the train gets to 29th street, the woman moves to get off)

W: STOP TRIPPING ME, Asshole

(man makes to move his bag, probably to further trip her - she rears bag, imitation D&G bag hurtles through the air onto his head)

W: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! You gotta learn to treat a woman you Fuckin' Animal. FUCKIN' ANIMAL!

(She gets off the train, several seconds later, three loud thuds are heard as she once again swings her purse/weapon, this time against the window of the subway car)

W: -muffled, from outside the car- FUCKIN ANIMAL! (thud)

(The guy looks around trying to make eye contact with someone for sympathy, or a "what was that about?" moment. He fails.)

Remainder of the ride was uneventful.


Public transportation is entertaining.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Halloween 2008

Man, I love Halloween. Everything about it is pretty fantastic, and has been since it began. Harvest celebrations and scaring away evil spirits and talking to dead folks and dressing up in silly costumes have always been near and dear to my heart.

For the second year in a row, Oach and I participated in the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade. Last year we went as Marty McFly and Doc Brown. You can read all about it here and here.

This year we continued to be really awesome with our costuming genius, and here it is, the Rev/Oach Halloween Costume 2008:


Calvin & Hobbes.

Special thanks to Bill Watterson, the creator of the fantastic strip for the hours of joy it has brought me, and also for not being a media whore and licensing his characters so that the market is inundated with C&H tshirts and posters and such.

Also, no, I did not walk the parade like that, unfortunately. The shoes on knees shot was taken for dramatic effect, but I was full height (such as it is) for the actual outdoors part.

This year we did not walk alone, but were accompanied by these unsavory characters:


That's Subastar on the left and Woot! on the right.

I like hanging out with them because it makes me feel tall. But anyway, Woot! went as a Mad Scientist, complete with homemade death ray gun that she refused to point at police officers, no matter how much I encouraged her to. At one point, I offered as much as three dollars. She's a tough nut to crack, that one.

Subastar is, of course, a Queen Spelling Bee. This being her first Halloween, Woot! and I helped with her costume and the one rule that Subastar volunteered was "I want a crown and wings." What would you have done?

Enough about us, let's see some parade costumes.

This guy we met at the line-up to begin walking. Good use of makeup, particularly with the small bits of glass sticking out of his face:



A passable "couple" costume:



These folks were walking behind us at the beginning, and only drew my attention when three spectator girls started screaming at them. "Yo! Why you ate her grandma??!!! WOLF! WHY YOU ATE HER GRANDMA???!!!!!"

I blame the schools.

Hey, anyone who's up for some terrifying androgyny, raise your golden hand:




Speaking of androgyny, here's Nintendo's favorite elfin hero, Link:


The Legend of Zelda rules.



"Hey look honey! I found a pack of Trojans in the road!"

Continuing on a the geographic theme, I guess:


A goddess and two minotaurs? It's all Greek to me!

Boo yah! Oh come on, that was funny (and hot).

Why so Serious?


Oh wait, I remember. It's because you're an uncreative doucheface who couldn't take time away from his busy schedule of anime and sodomy to come up with an original concept.

I know that by this point it's cliche to talk about how common the Heath Ledger Joker costume was, but I just gots to. In my opinion, there are two trains of thought that you could follow:

1) "I know! I'll be the Joker from The Dark Knight! No one's going to wear that costume! This is gonna be awesome!

or

2) "There are going to be a lot of people dressed exactly the same way that I am, but I am totally going to be more Joker than all of them. They're going to be all 'whoa man, your Joker costume is way better than ours!'" This is gonna be awesome!

Both of these thoughts are fundamentally flawed and just plain wrong. Ok, there are several more reasons to be the Heath Ledger Joker. Finally having an excuse to wear makeup and dress up like a nurse, for example. Or the desire to wear a costume that's so lame that you might as well have not dressed up at all, but that still requires a lot of prep time, cleanup and skin problems for the next week.

And Bravo honoring the character, PS. Because we all know if there's anything the Joker loves it's conformity and being predictable. An awesome costume? 1960's Cesar Romero Joker.


You scum know nothing of Halloween.

As you may have heard, about half of the funders of the parade dropped out this year, and that may have reduced the number and quality of floats. But the more things change, the more they remain the same. There was still the float bearing Witches in Bikinis, the most aptly named costume band I've ever seen.


I'll let you write your own photo caption about this seaman.

Ok, this post is running a bit long, so just a few more neat costumes:

Inspector Gadget & Penny:


Oh man! A computer that's the size of a book! God I hope I live long enough to see that happen...

A pizza pie made of individual slices:


hooray for group costumes and Witches in Bikinis in the background!

And here's one for you theater buffs:


A horse from Equus.

Evidently having Daniel Radcliffe ride naked on your back makes you very popular with the ladies.

I'm fairly certain the costs outweigh the benefits on that...




For the rest of my photos from before and during the parade, check out my photobucket page
HERE.

Happy Halloween everyone,

Rev

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Something is Brewing and 'Bout to Begin...

Ok, apologies to the Broadway crazies out there for the subject line. I was using it to refer to the great holiday of Halloween. For some reason or another, I seem to walk past the Mary Poppins Marquee A LOT. That promotional sentence just got stuck in my head.


Yes, Mary Poppins rules. I don't mean the show, I mean the actual Mary Poppins.

But yeah, Halloween, eh? Kickass!

The season is as busy as it usually is, with me making my own costume and helping out on two others. All signs point to it's going to be a pretty sweet parade this year. Sadly you interzonians must wait for the debut of our costume until closer to showtime. Of course, by closer to showtime I mean after the Halloween hangover has passed. So... Thanksgiving sometime.

The Revs came down to visit, as I mentioned in my last post. So let's talk about that, and see some pictures!


Here's the Revs and some skyline.

This was taken at the Socrates Sculpture Park in Queens. We went there because they advertised a Hallowen Harvest Festival sort of activity thang. All in all, the event was child-aimed and slightly disappointing. However it did have one fantastic thing: a dog costume contest.

Oh God, I was going to make some image joke with a person dressed up like a dog, so I started by google image searching 'dog costume.' Do it now, it will be the most rewarding experience of your evening. Wait, not now... do it after you read the rest of this post. It'll steal my thunder otherwise.

BAM! Lobsterbeagle!


Caught you totally off guard. Don't ever turn your back on a lobsterbeagle. They will get you every time.

Just look at the crazy that's hiding in those eyes. Oh the horror, the bitey, pinchy horror.

Other memorable costumes include:


This Bassett Hound as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.



This Bulldog as a Roman Centurion.

And


This large man as a heterosexual.

After that, we went to Madison Square Park to meet the fabulous Shake Shack.


mmm... frozen custard.


mmm... frozen custard.



mmm... Beer.

Oh, yeah... skipped ahead a bit. After Madison Square Park we headed down to McSorley's Ale House. It was crazy crowded, so we pounded some beers, snapped some pics and took off.



I'm sorry, evidently I meant McSorley's Old Ale Ho.

Then it was down to Little Italy for a quick bite of dinner.


Confronting a wild Italian in its natural habitat.

After a lovely dinner, it was time to head to Times Square, where we had tickets to Young Frankenstein.


Puttin' On the Ritz. 'nuff said.

The new TKTS booth opened recently, with its new bleachers/homeless magnet feature. We got some nice shots there, too.





I like this one because of the artificial shortness it imposes on Mr. Rev.

I'll leave you with a photo I took of the statue of George M Cohan's statue. I like it this way.


Oh Mamma Mia! Inappropriate.

Peace out,

Rev