Wednesday, December 12, 2007

SAT Time. Grab your pencils.

I don't think I'm alone in thinking the Scholastic Aptitude test would be a lot cooler if it reflected things that students are likely to come across in everyday life. Sure, I love awesome obscure words as much as the next guy, but sometimes those questions are just ridiculous. Oh that reminds me, please pardon my misprision. I shouldn't wait so long between posts.

So rather than alter the entire world to reflect the SAT, I decided to write a few analogies of my own and we can play together. And by play together I mean you'll try really hard, but I'll judge you and keep you from getting into really good schools.


Number 1:

Alcohol : Guitar Hero :: _________ : The Price is Right

A) Bidding One Dollar

B) Plinko

3) Bob Barker

D) Wheel of Fortune

The reason I bring this up is because on Friday, after dinner and margaritas, Oach, Mr. Morchison and I went and mixed vodka with Guitar Hero. Oh right, the answer I was going for was the letter three. Why? Because without it, there's really no point in watching. I've tried the game twice without booze, and once with it. And that one time, I was jammin'. Not jamming, but jammin'.

At one point I was rocking back and forth, biting my lower lip, and feeling the rhythm. For that beautiful second, I forgot that I was playing a very silly and pretty much stupid game (a thought that never once left my head the other two times). Suddenly I was onstage, listening to the virtual audience screaming for me, pushing those three (yup, I play it on easy) buttons. I was a superstar! To illustrate this point in a seasonally appropriate manner:

I was rockin out with my stockin out.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

Number 2:

Japanese : Filmmaking :: French : _________

1) lovemaking

2) toast

C) Cowardice

4) War

All right fine, this is an easy one. Even if you're not already familiar with the glaringly obvious failings of these two groups, you should still be able to come up with the correct answer
using the "One of these things is not like the other" method, named in singsong fashion by my 9th grade global studies teacher, Mr. Powers. Of course it's number 4.

The reason I bring this point up is that I recently watched the movie Battle Royale. I've got to tell you, it's pretty messed up. The plot revolves around a group of ninth grade teenagers being sent to a deserted island and forced to kill each other until only one remains. Despite it being ripped off from quite a few sources, I give the Japanese some credit. They actually have half of a decent film on their hands. If they threw away the last half and just ended in the middle of the film with one of those THE END? screens, it would be a triumph. As it stands, it becomes a muddled mess at the end with no clear message and plot holes big enough to crash a fighter plane through.

One theory as to why it has not yet been distributed in the US after being one of the top 10 highest grossing films in Japan is that this country is slightly touchy about the subject of teenagers shooting each other. With good reason, too. It happens far too often. I just happen to think it slightly hypocritical that we wholeheartedly indulge in every other kind of cinematic violence imaginable, but decide to shy away from this one.

On the other hand, the Japanese production company might just want more money than the US distributors are prepared to give. Whatever. If you want to check it out, you can find the torrent online. Just do yourself a favor... watch until just after the big explosion, then turn it off and write your own ending. It will hold together a whole lot better than what's been provided.

Hm. In retrospect, this post is kind of boring. I'll see what I can do next time.

Peace out,


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