Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Now That's the New York City Experience

Ok, so I had two firsts yesterday. I went to a Knicks game and someone tried to pickpocket me. These were unrelated events, even though the second one happened while I was on my way to the first one.

Here’s the sitch. That was supposed to be short for situation, but I guess it doesn’t really translate well from spoken English to text. I think it’s the extra letters you need. Oh well, it’s not important. But anyway, I was getting off the uptown 6 train to transfer to the shuttle to Times Square to transfer again to the downtown 1 train in an unnecessarily complicated way of avoiding being rained upon.

Walking sucks.

Anyway, I was walking past a crowded group of commuters and tourists, when I felt the slightest of jiggles from my backpack. I’m no stranger to being jostled in and around subways, but this one wasn’t your normal rush hour crowding push. It felt like it was pretending to be, though. Sort of a “whoops, man this crowd is terrible look what it’s making me continue to do.” Basically, my spidey sense was tingling.

Pixelated and alarmed.

So I quickly reached back, grabbed my bag and turned around, to see a heavyset Hispanic man intentionally looking away. His hands were chest height, holding an mp3 player as a convenient alibi for having his hands directly in front of him and in my backpack. I fixed him with a glare as he sidestepped deftly into a subway car which I was not going to board.

Upon review of my backpack, the zipper on the small pocket had been pulled open enough for a thieving, smelly gypsy bastard to slip his hand inside. A quick inventory showed that I had reacted quickly enough and none of my stuff had been taken. Granted, I had nothing of any intrinsic value in that pocket, but he might have gotten away with some free samples of Axe shower gel and a few burned CDs. Still, it was an enlightening experience that whetted my desire to see some good old-fashioned vigilante justice take place in the subways.

The Punisher - tough on criminals, tougher on audiences.

The moral of the story, kids – don’t leave anything valuable in outer pockets of your bags. Also, never get near to another human being, ever. However, if you happen to live shoulder-to-shoulder with 8 million other people… well, just be careful.

On to the Knicks!

I guess Knickerbockers is just too many letters... but I like the sound of it.

I managed to snag two tickets at a discounted rate through my place of work. I decided to do this because I’ve never been to Madison Square Garden before, and I figured it would be a good time. Here’s a paraphrased conversation between my father and I regarding the game:

Me: I have tickets to a Knicks game on Monday

Mr. Rev: Really? Who are they playing?

Me: Utah.

Mr. Rev: I dare you to name one player on either of those teams.

Me: Ummm… There’s uh… you know, that guy. The tall one.

Mr. Rev: Oh yeah, him. He’s good.

And scene.

So the plan was for Oach to fly into the city and then meet up with me at MSG. However, his flight was cancelled, and then his backup flight was cancelled, and so at the time of this writing I have absolutely no idea where he is, or when he’s scheduled to be anywhere.

Anyhow, that prompted a flurry of emails and ultimately I attended the game with this person, I’ll refer to her as Moe, for this reason:

This is her in costume as Moe from the Nickelodeon show GUTS. I very nearly posted her as a candy corn witch, but I’ll make you people do some research to see that (it’s worth it).

Moe knows possibly less about the sport of basketball than I do, but we had a fantastic time. For a large chunk of time I was confused as to why the scoreboard was referring to the quarters of the game as ‘periods’ until I smacked myself in the head and remembered that the Rangers use that scoreboard as well.

The game itself was very exciting. We sat near a very loud group of cheering people who had cowbells and handed out free Snapple inflatable Thunderstix. I may never go back to clapping again. They’re colorful, they make a distinctive sound and they’re ridiculously phallic. Hours of entertainment.

At one point, the man sitting next to Moe mentioned something about the Stix that I didn’t hear. One of Moe’s thunderstix was leaking air through a puncture, and so, over the roar of the crowd, she shouted back “MINE HAS A HOLE IN IT AND IT’S GETTING LIMP!” After several seconds, she reviewed that sentence in her head and became understandably embarrassed. I don’t think the man minded, though.

Our heroes the Knicks held onto a lead throughout the game, though several times Utah pulled within 2. The crowd was on its feet and banging its thunderstix (limp and otherwise) together as New York went on to their second win after an embarrassing 8 game losing streak. Moe and I are converts to the cause of professional basketball, and I suspect I’ll be going back the next time I can get my hands on some cheap tickets.

Well, I’ve rambled on long enough. I’ll catch you folks later.



Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

As promised, here is the picture of Double Turkey '06. They tasted even better than they look.

Also pictured: homemade apple pie.



Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I think I'm going to enjoy this...

Hello, and welcome back to what has apparently become my weekly blogging. This serves as both an update and a precursor to that most fantastic of holidays: Thanksgiving.

Ah, yes, the extra special holiday that celebrates the noble white Protestants beginning the process of accepting back this wonderful landmass which those pesky indigenous peoples were keeping warm for us. Hilarious events in US history aside, Thanksgiving is an unparalleled celebration of my second favorite deadly sin: Gluttony.

Oh yeah, and Sloth. Sloth is good too. Maybe my fourth favorite.

Eating is awesome. Some people may incorrectly assume that I don’t really enjoy it that much, since I seem to do it less than I should. But hey, this looks like a pretty happy guy, right?

Minutes later, I would forget about the orange fingertips and rub my eyes. Happens every time.

Tomorrow I'm headed back to Central New York, away from this city and its production of 'How the Lazy Stagehands Stole Christmas." It’s going to be nice to get back to good old Whitesboro, where they really know what Thanksgiving is all about.

An oldie, but a goodie.

No, no, we’ve been over this. The food, man, the food.

The Revs do it right. Though unfortunately attendance is predicted to be somewhat low at the Rev Thanksgiving, I’m sure there’s going to be gorging and falling asleep by the fireplace. Indeed, if all goes well, it's going to be an honest to goodness pattern of behavior.

Last Thanksgiving was quite infamous, and set the bar pretty high as far as plenty goes. Apparently, we decided that one turkey was simply not enough too much food. To that end, my Mother prepared the traditional roast turkey in the oven, whilst my Father oversaw the deep-frying of a second bird in the back yard. Behold and salivate:

I'm sorry, I've looked all over the place and I just can't find my picture of Double Turkey '06. I'm going to have to post it from the W'Boro. It's something, trust me.

To convince myself I've truly earned the privilege of breaking out my trusty Turkey-and-pie Funnel, I believe I'm going to take part in something called a Turkey Trot.

A more accurate title for it would be the Turkey arduous mile and a half trek up a rather steep hill, past the woods in which Honus was sexually propositioned while "looking for mushrooms" and to the top of the Ski Hill which exists in the center of Utica.

I swear, for the majority of my life I never thought that having this within city limits was unusual.

Oh yes, I'm going to have to jog back down the hill, too.

Would you like some whine with your Thanksgiving Turkey?

I'm going to go pack up some stuff in preparation for the journey tomorrow. One more thing, though. Ace sent me this picture from my recent trip to Buffalo. I like it. I call it "Rudely Interrupted Breakfast."

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Such goings on.

Greetings friends,

Once again it's been a while since I've blogged at you. Not as bad as that other time, but you know, still long. But lucky you, I'm back and I've got stuff to talk about. Oh yeah, what seems like three weeks ago, I got "tagged," which is kind of like a blogger textually transmitted disease. Apparently I have to tell 7 interesting/weird things about myself or else... I don't think it had specific threats, but probably eleventy years of bad luck, or my crush will never know I exist, or some fictional child will die of fictional brain worms. You know, the usual email stuff. Here goes:

1) I have a strange affinity for the time 10:16, especially on digital clocks.

2) When microwaving food, I do not set the timer to any number divisible by 5.

3) I was the 1995 New York State Jaycees BB gun champion.

4) I am a giant fan of Spider-man. I am afraid of spiders.

5) I have been hospitalized once for a concussion suffered in a car accident, and once after a nasty yappy lap dog chewed up my hand.

6) I have a long-standing habit of misplacing my shoes, which has been temporarily rectified by living in a small apartment.

7) Imaginary brain worm kid is going to die.

Well Gosh, that was fun.

So lots of stuff has been happening in Revland. First off, I got a job. I know I haven't mentioned work much on this blog, for the very good reason that I am a professional and take work seriously, and not everyone appreciates humor and/or appearing in caricature form on some rambling digital coolness. You'll notice I rarely (if ever) use the real names of people I know. Oach, Honus, Mr. Morchison, Lt. Rev and so on (though why Honus chooses to reveal real names on my comment boards is beyond me). Anyway, it's good news, so hooray for me.

Secondly, I learned that I have fans. More accurately, people I know who enjoy this blog, but have never told me that they read it. Like this girl:

Oh, Champ.

Also this one:

I think I'll call her VanHalen1984side2, in an exercise in obscurity.

Thank you both for reading, and everyone else don't be shy. Say hello, and I might post a picture of the two of us.

Now between leaving my last gig and starting this new gig, I decided to take a mini-vacation. Where did Rev go? Overseas, mayhaps? To some warm beach to work on his tan? Nope. Beautiful, sunny Buffalo was my destination.

My passport is in Whitesboro, and I only had a few days, so I decided to visit my buddy from college... I think I'll call him Ace. Anyway, Ace and VanHalen1984side2 were gracious enough to put me up for a few days.

They seemed pretty happy about it, actually.

It was a fun visit. I got to relax and watch some movies en route. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is good. Underworld: Evolution and Beerfest are not.

Also I got to satisfy my Buffalo wing jones at Duff's. Man, that was good. I've yet to have worthwhile wings here in the City. If anyone has any suggestions as to a decent Buffalo wing, please let me know.

Also, I went to the Albright-Knox Art Gallery. It was Free Friday, and evidently Japan night. VanHalen1984side2 and I made origami cranes. Here's a sample:

I have named them Hugin and Munin and they now live on my type tray.

Both bonus points and demerits for anyone who understands those names.

I'll close this blog entry soon, but I'd like to share a few more pictures first. Here's me with my Buffalo parents:

and here's one that I don't think the subject remembers taking:

That's all for now,


Oh, just one more thing. Anyone think this guy looks like Ando from Heroes?

Friday, November 2, 2007

Halloween pt. 2

All right, let's do this. If you haven't already, read part 1 directly below. Do it now, so you can be caught up with the glory of Halloween, and my status as the Lord of the McFlies.

Savvy? Good. Wednesday brought Halloween and with it the Village Halloween Parade. I had never been before, and neither had Oach, so we decided to give it a look-see. This year's theme was "Wings of Desire." F that. It was Doc and Marty all the way.

But if you ever want to see a bunch of freaks in costumes, mark your calendar for this event. It was not time effective to go all the way home to go all the way back to where the parade lineup was, so I headed out directly from work, having changed in the bathroom, and picked up Doc from his place of business. Onto the parade lineup.

Some good costumes:

GoGo and a Crazy 88

Running with Scissors.

A skill crane game. Bonus points for... well, everything. A+

But a little something about the lineup for the parade. People suck. The way that the parade is arranged, they alternate a group of general public costume people with a float, or a band, or a group of some kind. That means there's a general holding pen of people. And because people suck, everyone has to be at the front. Which means they constantly cram themselves forward when there's nowhere to go. If only cows were this stupid, then slaughterhouse design would be a piece of cake.

It looked a little like this:


By the way, the man in the brown cap in the foreground evidently went as a sexual predator. He had no costume to speak of, and spent all of his time getting inappropriately close to girls he didn't know, not speaking, and smiling/laughing in a really creepy way. Gross. I threw up in my mouth a couple of times.

We didn't see any other Marty McFlys, but we did see one other Doc Brown at the line up. You can see him (her) just behind Oach in this one.

We didn't want to be too obtrusive, because her costume sucked by comparison.

Oach offers an editorial comment.

But anyway, once the parade got moving along it was fantastic. Here we are enjoying the fantasticity:


We started off the parade right near the NY Jedi group. These folks are hardcore. I captured a video of one of their very well-choreographed lightsaber duels. Don't mind the sound, some jackass couldn't keep his mouth shut:

It's so typical. Everyone is having a good time, then some bantha fodder has too much Corellian Brandy, the sabers come out, and the evening is ruined for everyone. Damn Jedi. We needed a good bounty hunter around there...

"My backpack's got jets, I'm Boba the Fett
I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette"

There were some crazy floats, including this one with the Kostume Kult:

Hello Ladies.

Ron Jeremy was there, too:

As with all good things, the parade eventually came to an end. Oach and I were ridiculously hungry, so we met up with some fans:

and headed to Mustang Sally's Bar and Grill.

And after that, all that was left was to wander home, hunger sated and eyelids heavy.

Well that's all for now. If you want to see all of the pictures I took, you can head over HERE.

Hope everyone else had as much fun as we did. Next year will be even better.



Thursday, November 1, 2007

Halloween pt. 1

Ok here we go. I know I've been hyping Halloween for a few weeks (because it's awesome) but now I'm ready to unveil the costume.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Rev's Halloween 2007:

Marty McFly.

Oh yeah, that's right. And what would Marty be without an eccentric genius to build a time machine out of a DeLorean?

1.21 Gigawatts of sweet costume.

and the back view:

"Are you telling me that this sucker is nuclear?"

and the two of us:


Ok yeah, so that's me. Oach and I actually got two uses out of our sweet costumes. On Saturday, we were looking for Halloween activities, and decided that we should go to the most horrifying and scary place ever. New Jersey.

Yeah pretty much like that.

Hoboken, to be precise. I'm not going to lie, it had a few good things going for it. Everyone loved playing Bon Jovi, and we met up with some other sweet costumes.

I found another Michael J. Fox aficionado:

Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!

We also met up with a Michael Vick that may have permanently altered my stance on dogfighting :

"do you like Huey Lewis and the News?"

In additon, (S)he was hanging out with a lesser-known High School Musical character:

Troy Bolton's abandoned ex-girlfriend. He doesn't return her calls and swears they "didn't even go all the way." Go Wildcats!

Ok folks, now that the unveiling is done, I'm going to do the Halloween parade coverage in my next post. I hope everyone's holiday was as fun as mine was, and don't worry, I won't wait all week to put the next stuff up.

Peace out.