Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Wherein I attend The Tyra Banks Show and libel a fashion designer

So after weeks of waiting, the moment finally came. Oach and I attended a taping of The Tyra Banks Show. I had signed up for tickets some time ago, when my boredom and masochistic tendencies had reached an all time high. PS - I'm still waiting for my tickets to The View to come through.

In my defense, A) these shows often give away free stuff to the audiences, B) they are generally air-conditioned, and 3) there's always the chance that something like this will happen again:


The time was approximately 9:45 AM. Oach and I showed up at the stage door of the Tyra program dressed in our finest TV taping clothes. The show has quite the dress code. I'd like to think we put it to shame. As soon as I can figure out when the particular episode is to air, I'll be letting you know so you can set your VCR/Tivo/call in sick to keep an eye out for the two of us.

Anyway, we looked good. So we were a little surprised to see a young woman in front of us in jeans and a sweater who looked a little under the weather. She was drifting back and forth a bit, and at one point she left the line to return with a large bottle of water from which she took several unenthusiastic sips. Her hair was greasy and unkempt, and her makeup was largely nonexistent, save for an accumulation of foundation around her hairline.

She looked a lot like the way I feel after a night of several too many Uncle Charlies.
Magic headache generator.

Basically, I felt bad for this girl. I wanted to give her the free samples of Advil that were being handed out in front of Penn Station, except I don't accept things that are handed to me in the street. Except/Accept... weird. Anyway, the last time I took a handout, I wound up looking down at a card promoting Scientology and laughing in the distributor's face. I don't think I'm alone in saying that if I'm going to follow a religion made up by a fiction writer, I'm choosing something from Vonnegut.

Oach and I attempted to make up some sort of backstory as to how someone would show up to the studio in such a condition. Did she fall out of an airplane leaving JFK into a landfill, causing anmesia, and the only thing she could remember was Tyra's studio address? Were she and her friends pre-Tyra show partying too hard and her cell-phone's alarm clock woke her up in the gutter several minutes before taping began? I'm pretty sure some combination of the words "pull" and "train" was also bandied about.

After we got inside the studio, we lost track of this damsel in distress, and couldn't figure out where she went, until halfway through the taping, when she reappeared as one of Tyra's guests. Now I'm not going to name names, but I'll let you know when the episode is to air. Oach and I retconned her backstory to include the stress of fashion week and the fact that Tyra's stylists were going to make sure she looked pretty good. Still wondering why she was hanging out with the audience for an hour, though.

But to the show itself. Pretty good. Oach and I were most definitely the minority in the audience, being straight white males. We still had a good time, and cheered as much as anyone. Though I think I'll be featured rather prominently in the broadcast if the editors decide they want a shot of 'bemused incredulity.'

The show itself was mostly fashion week prerecorded segments, requiring Tyra to only have to do some introductions and a mini fashion show. However, I have an issue with Kimora Lee Simmons, who was scheduled to shoot an interview with Tyra. However, she showed up 3 hours late. This had an upswing, as to fill the time Tyra's crowd warm-up dude threw together an impromptu competition between sections of the audience, during which Oach strutted his stuff on Tyra's runway. The intro conversation, as near as I can recall it:

"Hey, what's your name, and where are you from?"

"Hi, I'm [Oach] from Queens"

"And have you ever walked on a runway before?"

"Of course"

"Really, whereabouts?"

"Oh, you know, Paris, Milan..."

and then the strutting started.

Kimora, this doesn't excuse your tardiness.

2004 drug possession arrest, anyone?

Also, you will be pleased to hear that my plan to receive fabulous prizes completely worked!

Check out my free gift, Oach and I really hit the mother lode with this one:

That's right...

FOUR colors of nail lacquer AND Lip Gloss.

Is it poppin' ? I'll let you be the judge.

It was really difficult to walk home from Chelsea carrying this bag. But totally worth it. Someday, perhaps.

Anyway, my newest prizes have already been added to my type tray, or as I call it, story board. Most of the Revs in my family have similar ones. Here's mine, so far:

It's a work in progress.



  1. You only get headaches from Utica Club when you stop drinking it.

  2. i call shotgun on the lip gloss.

  3. I beg to differ with Mr. Matt. It feels like someone is pushing on your eyeball with their thumb. Nevermind the next day...

    Additionally, that type tray needs a little help. Not even a single "R" on it. Shameful.

  4. What's a type tray and where do I get one? So cool.
    Also, too funny, if you went to the taping on Tuesday, someone was JUST telling me that their friend went to the taping on Wednesday, adn they hit the super motherload of giveaways, something about shoes, clutch purse, $600 pearl necklace (I am assuming it was your garden variety pearl necklace as opposed to.. otherwise), champagne, wine opener...

    PS Thanks for stopping by! I'll be posting more soon, I'm just currently undergoing some issues. if you check my other site, however, that gets updated daily with brief posts. :)

  5. I'm glad you asked... a type tray was used by type setters, working with old printing presses. It would lay horizontally and the different compartments would house the different letters and characters used in the printing process.

    They're generally available at antique shows and flea markets. And, of course, on ebay.


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