Friday, April 6, 2007

Together, we can do anything.

Ok, so it’s brainstorming time. That’s brainstorming, and not barnstorming, even though I would very much like to try being a stunt pilot at some time. Especially in a nice WWI era plane and hat, like Manfred Von Richthofen.

Bad. Ass.

And I’m already off topic.

Anyway, what we as a blogging community need to get together and figure out is how to land me the role I am destined to play. Of course I am speaking of Mr. Peter Benjamin Parker. I am officially announcing my candidacy for the role in case Tobey Maguire decides not to continue.

height added for psychological effect.

Let’s face it folks, I’ve got the looks, I’ve got the talent, I’ve got the penchant for redheads. It’s a match. All we need to do is alert Sam Raimi to this fact, and get me an audition.

It has to be as easy as it sounds, right?

But let’s review what I have in common with Mr. Parker. We’re both bred of Irish stock: his mother’s maiden name was Fitzpatrick, his aunt’s is Reilly. My grandmother was a Kinney. We both were (are) huge nerds. We excel in the classroom, and were not exactly Big Men on Campus in high school.

We both moved to the City to fight crime. Sure, he stuck with it, but give me a break, he’s a spider-powered vigilante. I was a trainee in a department best described as law enforcement’s answer to the Island of Misfit Toys. But I digress.

The main thing that I would bring to the role is humor. Tobey’s got a lot going for him, and he can play up the conflicted angst and anxiety pretty well, but let’s be honest. He couldn’t deliver a punchline if he was stuck in an elevator with a pregnant setup. Spidey needs to be quicker, funnier and more of a chatterbox through the action sequences. It’s one of his secret weapons, keeping the enemy off-balance and infuriated.

I can be extremely infuriating. Trust me.

So hopefully, blogalaxy, you’ll support me in this mission. Let me know if you have any ideas/connections that could help me out as I take on my greatest endeavor to date.

Make Mine Marvel,



  1. Fuck it, you got my vote. As long as I get to be Kraven The Hunter. Or Scorpion.

    Hell, I'll settle for being cast as The Owl.

    Yes, I am a fellow dork. Welcome. I made shirts.

  2. Nice. There are more of us out there than the general public realizes.

    PS: If I can't be Spider-man, I'd gladly settle for Cletus Kasady.

  3. You need blue contacts and an eyebrow wax. But I will support your mission in any way possible. Can I hire you out as a Peter Parker impersonator?

  4. You mean like an escort service?

  5. no, like for all the super-hero themed parties i have. but i might have some friends who would utilize your escort services.


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