Monday, March 5, 2007

This week on 24

I must begin by declaring shenanigans on the death of Dr. Bachir. LAME. He and Jack were a cruelty dream team. They seem completely set on killing off any character worth having around. Now to the regularly scheduled blog.

OK, so admittedly this week started off slowly. I haven't quite given up on the show, but neither are they completely off of alert status. There was still a lot of talk, and much of the episode was what I like to call "facial flaw theater."

First, there was the face-crease-off between President Logan and that commie bastard consul. It was a tough match, but President Logan came off the winner, undoubtedly because of the extra power granted by his new-this-season grizzled beard. Bonus points to Logan for comparing a year of house arrest on a South American nation sized horse ranch with 18 months of torture in a Chinese prison. You've got Balls, Logan. Jack could have flashed back and strangled you with your own tonguelaces.

Next, there were a few tense matches with the Vice-President. His gruff, pock-marked mug took on the conflicted and oily Peter MacNicol. In the end, Senator Roark from Sin City won over Janosz of Ghostbusters II. The struggles weren't over as the VP had to take his sandpapery complexion straight into a struggle with the dramatically lit, pulsing veins of Bill Buchanan. Bill did CTU proud and managed a draw. The final remains to be seen.

Finally we got to see some interrogation. Jack, whose conversational Russian evidently comes with the miracle suit he's wearing, broke into the consulate to extract more info. Bonus points to Jack for creative use of the cigar cutter to remove a finger. Wait. Nevermind. Points removed from Jack because I already saw the villain Durant do that in the Liam Neeson movie Darkman. ouch. Jack, that's bush league.

Also out of character was Jack casually strolling away from his hostage after getting his info. Did he forget about the Russians? Jack, Russians by definition want to kill you and everyone with easy access to bread and sunlight. Lousy vodka swilling, tundra farming, cannon-fodder commie scum. They tried to fight the (true) stereotype of the soulless Russian by having an agent attempt to contact CTU on Jack's behalf. He was returned to his Tsarist roots by being shot in the head. Children, I highly recommend you avoid seeing my version of the animated film Anastasia. Granted, it's shorter, but not exactly a happy ending.

Morris, welcome back to competence. We've missed you.

The previews made me nervous. Gunfire is good. Mike the Secret Service guy nailing the President's wife is awesome. Ricky Schroeder is bad. You're not half the man Curtis was, just like you weren't a quarter of the man Bobby Simone was. You ruined NYPD Blue, so just do your two episodes and have the decency of saving Jack's life by blocking an assassin's bullet with your forehead.

Wow, that was kind of harsh. I'm sorry, Ricky. You're not all that bad. After all, it's not like you're Russian.

Rev out.

1 comment:

  1. I look forward to the day when I stumble upon an old episode of Blue (I'm thinking maybe 10-12 years down the road), and then I get ravenously addicted to it once again. Simone is God. I never saw the movie "Simone", though.


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