Sorry I have been remiss in posting new things. I have good excuses though. Well, maybe just excuses. But anyway, over this past weekend I returned to my roots. No, I didn't dye my hair the way it originally was, or pay reparations or anything like that. I drove to Utica.
What's in Utica? I'll tell you, and stop asking questions. This is a monoblogue, not a diablogue. It seems that for most of my life I have lived in and around the city of Utica. I'd gotten used to a few things. A nostalgic appreciation of the mafia is one of them. The Utica St. Patrick's Day parade is another. Thirdly, and most importantly, I had gotten used to SHAMROCK SHAKES!!!!
That's right. As much as NYC has going for it (center of universe, etc.), in this respect it falls ridiculously short of good ol' oft-referenced-on-the-Simpsons Utica. The first thing I did when I drove into town was behold this fantastic sight:
Swerving madly to avoid the nigh-nonexistent 3:00 PM traffic, I bounded into the above restaurant, argued with an elderly clerk who was trying to shortchange me 39 cents and emerged with my prize:
Yes. Be jealous. I'm sure you're all... green with envy! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!1
Ok, overreactive supervillainy aside, Utica has its moments. Welcome to my guide to the Utica St. Patrick's Day Parade. I'll be your host, Rev McAwesome.
You may be noticing several things. There are large piles of snow and I appear to be standing in front of a lumberyard. The snow is true, there was a lot of it these past few weeks. The lumberyard isn't quite true. It's there for a construction project on this. But now to the Parade! Right down the center of the main street of Utica which is named Genesee Street rolled St. Patrick himself!
And close behind him was Satan!
Just kidding. That's not Satan. That's local television personality Bill Worden. There are many differences between Bill and Satan. Satan has good writers. Satan doesn't look like he died half a decade ago. Most importantly, Satan and I aren't going to get in a Jeane-Claude Van Damme style street fight like in Bloodsport, or The Quest, or Lionheart, or Kickboxer, or even Street Fighter.
Anyway... due to technical issues this blog is taking a long time to produce, so I'm going to make an executive decision to put the rest of the pictures onto photobucket HERE.
Let's make a game of it... Look at the pictures and vote for whichever one is most likely to give you nightmares! I know which one I picked. Want a clue? It rhymes with neon clown.
And now I'll leave you with this question: Isn't this the most adorable thing ever?
The answer is yes.